CHANGE…a constant

Change is a process of becoming different, a process of improvement or imbalance. Change is the only constant thing in life but constant is an unchanged phenomenon. How then can CHANGE be a CONSTANT ?

Constant is a consistent and persistent recurrence so then change is a constant. The problem nowadays is that many people fear change much more than they fear their current state and much more than they fear stagnancy, they have become so used to the regular order and arrangement of things that they find it difficult to welcome change.

They fear that they might lose the opportunities they have if things go differently, they are held in captivity by STATUS QUO. Hebert Spencer, an English philosopher said “A living thing is distinguished from a dead thing by the multiplicity of changes at any moment taking place inside of it.” The only thing that differentiates the dead from the living is its capacity to change, therefore, a man that doesn’t embrace change is a dead man.

The complexity of change is very broad that its not enough to only change one thing in our existence, but one must change in every way, every aspect and every dimension. 

You must change your thinking- If you have been harbouring erroneous thoughts all your life, it’s probably why you fear  change, you must change your thinking. Some people have some crazy philosophies that they have accepted over the course of time and it has formed the basis of their thought pattern. If you are this kind of person, why not seek the truth and accept it. The most powerful agreement is life is the one between your thoughts and what actually happens to you. 

You must change your mind- Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. Don’t be so driven by will that you become so rigid, the earth itself changes, it evolves, so evolve. Don’t be too driven by policy that you err on the right side. 

You must change your life by changing the state of your mind- It could be that things have been so disadvantageous and unpleasant for you and you have strongly concluded that that’s how they will be. Instead of accepting the ‘normal’ state of things, try to effect a change from your heart, because truly, that’s where the change starts from.

Change your opinion- What are your values and beliefs? How have they contributed to your growth? In this modern world, you cannot afford to be a traditionalist, that is a person who accepts old facts and hold them as the truth. You’ll find that there are many people that still believe in the old system of things, they don’t believe that yesterday’s formula for success is today’s recipe for failure. They’ve refused to accept the modern life style, little wonder they carry the burdens of life alone. Changing your beliefs and values doesn’t mean that you are fickle, it only shows that you’re willing to drop the baggages that weigh you down.

You must change your environment- The thing about stagnancy is that when you think you are stagnant, you are actually retrogressing. This world itself moves forward, therefore if you are not moving forward with it, you are moving backward from it. You must change your environment, move from where you are, go after opportunities, seek to change your self, tackle challenges head , emembrace opportunities for change. Don’t sink into your comfort zone, change your physical location. Don’t be scared when you get assigned to a different work or when you get a new boss, see it as an opportunity to work with a different person. Also, don’t be scared that your working environment has changed, some people feel threatened when things change, rather, get acclimated with the new situation and be in the control room.

Sadly enough, many people desire progress but fear change, but that’s an impossibility.

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GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF

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It’s surprising how we tend to be comfortable being idle while we dream about things we want to achieve. Every human on earth has wishes they would like to see come true and goals they aim to achieve. Whether you are aware of it or not,  we all have dreams, but if we do nothing about it,  they will remain as just dreams. If we want to be wealthy and satisfied with life but do not take any steps to achieve it, we will only remain as dreamers.

There’s a saying that “If wishes were horses beggars will ride.” In my own interpretation, it means that we must snap out of our dreams and get ahead of ourselves. Getting ahead of yourself simply put, is to do more than you’ve ever done before. Great men and women of today quickly took to this statement and so they started to work on themselves, they didn’t just become great by sitting down idle or by wishful thinking.  They got busy and accomplished great things.

Everyday,  set new records for yourself and break them, outstrip your yesterdays by your today, don’t only dare to dream, strive to bring the dreams to reality. Live as if today is your last day on earth. In the process of getting ahead of yourself, focus excessively on your future plans, and on prospective future events.

The quality of your output determines how valuable you are, if your result is not commendable you will never be of value. Certainly, if anyone strives to do better, they will be enormously equipped and relevant in their field. Think and decide on how  you want things to be in years to come, forget about past events and focus on the future, let your present way of life be a platform for a successful future. A man that dwells in his past is afraid of the future, don’t be like that man.

The world we live in today is a very competitive one and everyone is doing what they can to stay relevant. It’s a good thing to try to beat other peoples records but our business in life is to beat our own records and stay away from anything that kills our value. Here are few of the value killers in man:

* Complacency- I call this the stage of inertia, sometimes,  we think that we have gotten to a higher level and so we relax and stop working. A feeling of self satisfaction comes upon us and sets us into a state of smugness, instead of moving ahead, we stay put and become idle. It’s not a crime to celebrate little feats of victory, but we must not let it delay us from moving ahead. Unknown to us, other people have moved on and moved ahead of us while we were resting. In the story “The tortoise and the hare” the two animals prepared fully for the race, and they started together. Along the way, the hare, seeing that it had come far and it’s opponent was still metres away from him decided to take a rest. So the awfully slow tortoise kept at it and overtook him, he breasted the rope at the finish line first simply because the hare made a wrong decision to relax. Don’t quit after a victory, look for opportunities on the other side once you get to the top, keep the forward momentum.

* Procrastination – putting until tomorrow what should be done today. 85% of the people suffer from chronic procrastination. They tend to always come up with excuses for not doing what ought to be done. This is a major value killer. When we are supposed to be equipping ourselves, we postpone it till when we feel like,  but the truth is, we will continue to postpone the necessary things we should be doing. Instead of sitting down glued to the TV,  why not pick up a book to study? Rather than surfing aimlessly on the internet, why not take up an online course and add value to yourself? Decide now that you don’t want to be ensnared by procrastination any longer and get rid of those excuses for not doing your job, don’t get lazy on your job because the gratification is little. Eliminate every reasons and excuses for not doing well. Procrastinators are good talkers but bad doers.

*Fear – this is one of the major problems faced by many people and it’s what keeps them from physical or mental exertion. Fear is the greatest enemy of faith, a mind filled with fear can never be courageous enough to step out. Fear can first materialize as doubt, goes on to become fear and ultimately failure. When you fear something over a long period of time there’s a tendency that your fear will help bring it to past. Fear and worry create conditions propitious to failure. Fear of failing is what grips people most of the time, they would rather succeed at nothing than to fail at something. Worrying about a situation only blows it out of proportion, it makes us unaware of the creative power of imagination God has embedded in us. You may succeed if no one believes in you, but you’ll never succeed if you don’t believe in yourself.

Other value killers are laziness, idleness, negative mindset,  lateness, low self-esteem and an unteachable spirit. If you find yourself in any of the above situations, it will be foolish to justify your reasons for remaining in them. A quick summary of what you can do to increase your value:

-Always believe in yourself, you are capable and whatever you do, try to do more. Don’t be overwhelmed by self adulation just because you’ve been inoculated with small doses of success.

– Faith is the opposite of fear, with faith you can overcome so shift your mind from fear to faith, do it afraid, turn your fear into passion, do you SWOT analysis.

– Have a time frame for all your goals,  set SMART ones, stop at nothing until you have reached the top and then again start from the other side. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to launch out, make do with the things you already have, do an estimation of your abilities.

I end with a quote by Louis XIV “There’s little that can withstand a man who can conquer himself.”

Unhappiness, the most common state of the human mind.

 

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So many times I find myself sitting down gloomingly with a glum and unhappy expression on my face, and I have come to realize that whenever I do that, there’s nothing wrong with me really, I have just being accustomed to sitting down gloomingly with that glum and unhappy expression on my face. In fact, when looking at it deeply, I notice that I’m perfectly okay and things are the way they ought to be, the only problem is that my subconscious is filled with worry and sometimes fear, therefore it gives out what it has been given.

So many of us are in this same fix too. Nothing is really wrong with us we are just used to worrying because we have fed it to our subconscious state. Ninety five percent of our thoughts are of worry and fear and a large percentage of them are usually about things that may not happen. For instance, the average man will think that he might lose his job or fail in his business and will become poor and end up on the streets. That is not likely to happen. The average woman will think that her child may fall sick and be hospitalized, the average lady will think that she might never find a good man to love and marry her, and so she will end up not getting married for the rest of her life. Again, not likely to happen, most of these things end up not happening.

The mindset of the average human is unhappiness, defeat or failure with their thoughts full of worry, fear or anxiety. But you see, when you fear something over a long period of time, there is a tendency that your mind will help to bring it to pass. Taking one of the above examples, the woman’s fear comes to pass and her child falls sick, she creates a condition in her mind that hence encourages the development of that fear, because her next line of thought is that the child will be hospitalized, it so happens and then she becomes filled with fear and tension. Her expectations became reality. How you think about a situation may defeat you even before doing anything about it, think defeat and you are bound to be defeated.

Unhappiness also comes from over thinking, over analysing a situation, breaking it down mentally into smaller parts etc. This only gives us what we are looking for—–Unhappiness. A famous minister said “too much analysis causes paralysis.”

I had an aunt, a volatile, and angry woman who always had short outbursts of anger. All she ever did was to sit down on the sofa and stare, apparently lost in thought. We never really did understood why she did that until many years later, in a bid to get her to talk, I asked her for a piece of advice and relating it with her own experience, she explained to me, in her own words, “I always plan ahead, whatever it is I want to, I plan it all in my head,” she went on, “what I’m going to do in three to five years time, I sit down and think about it all, I analyze it all in my head.” Due to this reason, she was always so lost in thought, she never really lived in the moment because she was always “planning ahead in her head”

Sometimes, in fact, most of the time, her mind gets clogged up with worry from uneccesary thinking, and she fumed and snapped at everybody. Worry that had accumulated in her mind over the years began to dissipate her energy. Prior to her passing, she changed and decided that it was time to live in the moment.

Another major cause of unhappiness is unrealistic expectations. When those expectations are not met, we become sad and full of worry. We believe that where we are now is not where we ought to be, we even make the mistake of comparing ourselves with others, we want to achieve what our mates seem to have gotten and we begin to run their races. In so doing, we increase the tempo of our own pace and our thoughts become that of anxiety and apprehension.

Life itself comes with pressure and daily increase of tension, all of that, coupled with our contaminated thoughts distill nothing other than unhappiness. Suffice it to say, that we are the manufacturers of our own unhappiness by constant worry of things that are happening around us and of things that might not even happen, fear of the unknown, anxiety, tension, negative mindsets among others.

In conclusion, another cause of unhappiness is unforgiveness. Ill-will, keeping grudges, hate, resentment, and anger clogs up the pipeline of the heart and prevents power and energy from gaining access into the mind and the body. Unhappiness makes use of our fear and worry as ingredients. Make it a habit to be happy, it doesn’t matter what the problem is just tune your mind to happiness. There are so many problems life creates that dilutes our happiness, its simply foolish to further manufacture our own unhappiness through our thoughts, habits or actions. Happiness is achievable and the process isn’t even difficult, just desire it, will it and apply its formula to our daily life.

How Inspiration (ideas) can be limited.

Inspiration is a process of being mentally stimulated usually by someone or something, to do or to feel something. Inspiration can come when we hear someone speak, particularly about what they did to achieve a feat, we become stimulated to do that which is laid in our hearts. Sometimes when other people talk about their challenges and how they overcame it, we become inspired by their words and we determine to face any challenge that comes away just so we can achieve success. Martin Luther King was exceptional at this. He used inspirational words to summon us to better things, some of his words are still in use today.

Inspiration also comes as a sudden brilliant idea, a timely thought, a revelation or an influence. An unconscious burst of creativity or credibility awakens us to new possibilities and transforms the way we perceive our own capabilities. In Christianity, inspiration is a gift of the Holy Spirit.

A lot of times, we are surrounded by what inspires us but we don’t see it simply because we’re impervious to it or because we’ve not prepared or position ourselves well to receive it. There are lots of factors that influence inspiration.

1. Faith  Faith is a function of inspiration. When we are inspired to do something, we begin to do it by faith. Other times, our faith inspire us to do things.

2. Enthusiasm – It’s another function of inspiration. Enthusiasm is the vibrancy and ardour that flows in and out of an individual, it’s an intense energy or spirit that a person displays. Your enthusiasm toward anything in particular can influence others around you.

3. Knowledge –  Knowledge is really important, the knowledge of whatvothers have done is what inspires us to do more. We must seek knowledge at all times because when we get a timely idea by inspiration, knowledge is what we need to implement that idea. Indeed inspiration is limited in effect by the knowledge of the recipient.

As powerful as inspiration is, it’s limited in effect by the mental state of the recipient. The following are factors that limit inspiration.

1. Ignorance – No matter how strong an idea is, if we lack the knowledge to put it into effect, it will mean nothing. 

2. Depression – A depressed person can never be inspired tobdo anything, they are engulfed by heaviness.

3. Fear – Fear is an enemy of faith, a revelation, stimulation or an idea is limited by fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure or fear of the past.

Tapping into the power of rituals

We can’t deny the fact that we are all struggling with one challenge or the other. Every single one of us have at many times hoped to do or to be better than what we are, achieve more than we ever have and live as higher human beings in every respect. We all have dreams to lead great lives, and live on top of our worlds.

Many times we’ve heard of how successful people attained success by simply practicing an act or a habit of growth every single day, habits practiced at the same time every day become a ritual. Every single one of us have habits, good or bad. Some of our habits simply grow out of happenstance, that is, we don’t plan to do them we just find oursleves doing them. For example, making our bed before going to sleep or brushing our teeth in the morning. Nobody said we couldn’t brush our teeth during the day right? Most of the habits we now have developed without us knowing. We start doing it one day and before you know it, we just do it without even thinking about it.

Other habits are formed deliberately, an example being, going for an early morning jog, others deliberately take water first thing in the morning and last thing before going to sleep for detoxification. After meditation, I check my mail first thing in the morning. That’s a habit. Benjamin Franklin wrote naked for an hour every morning just to refresh his mind in the cold air. That’s a deliberate habit.

Form a positive habit and mindfully transform it into a ritual just so you can accomplish a task. Great people of today adopted that principle, they knew what to do in order to become the best. A basket ball player aiming to become world’s best knows that he must practice regularly, ten times than he normally would. So he gets up before dawn and practices until day break, he then incorporates this habit into his lifestyle, he wakes up the same time and practices till the same time everyday. What makes us great is shaping positive habits into rituals so that we can attain success or accomplish a task.

Here are quick steps to creating a ritual.

  • Prepare the environment- if you plan to read a book for thirty minutes first thing in the morning, you will probably succeed in making it a ritual if you took time to lay the book on your bedside table the night before. If you plan to eat healthy, avoid junk foods, then store up your kitchen with healthy food. If you want to make jogging a ritual, jog for an hour first thing in the morning everyday, set your running kits out before going to bed. If your ritual is to stop checking your mail when you wake up but to do laundry, then you will have to keep your phone and computer away before sleeping and arrange the clothes to be washed. Make environmental preparation part of your daily ritual.
  • Find out when you’re most productive- this is called your productive window. For me, I always feel weak after waking up so reading a book at that time just puts me right back to sleep. So I found out that my productive window is after a bath and a good breakfast, at that time I know that there are no chores beckoning on me. So afternoon is the time I read and write mostly. A morning person is most likely to do all they plan to do right after waking up.
  • Do the things you don’t like doing first- I found out that most people don’t like making their beds when they get up from it in the morning. Pushing off the annoying work until the end of the day only makes you a slave to them because at the end of the day, you will still have to do them. If you work on the hardest tasks first, your day will become easier and better because the next thing you need to do will be the easier things.
  • Focus on completion not perfection- you don’t have to be completely perfect because you have started a ritual. It doesn’t work that way. Focus on getting things done first then you reach your end goal gradually. Consistency breeds results. You don’t have to be a perfectionist, you don’t have to make a masterpiece the more you nurture the embryo of self discipline, the more quickly it will mature and give you a desired result.

Ritual is all about taking the daily incremental steps needed to build a character and on the long run, they are what defines us.

THE SOCIETY’S PARADIGM OF AN IDEAL WOMAN 2

In a world where values and beliefs change and the definition of an ideal woman constantly evolves, the standards of who an ideal woman should be is solely based upon what the society dictates. This definition changes so easily due to the fickle nature of the society. 

Years ago, specifically in Africa, the definition of an ideal woman was one who lived to please her husband. Fast forward to this new age, an ideal woman is now defined by her strong career, a great job, independence and a particular body shape, a skin colour or a large social media following.

But the truth is that, just as it changed from what it used to be to what it is now, it will keep changing and won’t stop changing. The best advice for a woman is to not depend on the definition the society has about who she should be, instead she should strive to be who she wants to be.

Some say, a woman must not be too successful so that she doesn’t become richer than her husband, that’s the society dictating for her again. They have forgotten that once the man and his wife have been joined together in holy matrimony, they have become one flesh, what is for the husband becomes hers and what is hers is for him.

Others say that the woman must work to support her man because no man wants a liability. What infuriates me more is that some men begin to search for well-off ladies so that they can be financially secured, to the point that they refuse to pursue their career because after all, the woman is there to support.

Dear woman, don’t depend on the society’s definition. Define yourself. Be there for your husband, be a mother to your kids, chase your career, you were not created to be under anyone’s feet, you are an help meet.

THE SOCIETY’S PARADIGM OF THE IDEAL WOMAN 1

Over the years, the society has set standards of a ‘real woman’ as they call it, in the past, the woman is defined by her ability to take care of her family and her worth is measured by how pleased her husband is towards her.

This ‘real’ or ‘ideal’ woman is a woman who, irrespective of her background, must aspire to marriage. She is a woman who must submit to a ‘god’ her husband, and enslaves herself to his family. She is not allowed to work, think or have a mind of her own, all through her life, she must live to please the man who takes little or no cognisance of her efforts. 

She rises up before dawn to prepare for his wakening, she slaves away in the thick heat of the kitchen fanning the flames that will cook his food while he lies there sleeping and dreaming on until he’s awakened by the aroma of her meal. 

He gets up from the bed and drags himself to the kitchen to ask for his bath, she immediately stops her cooking and hurries to prepare his bath. When she has finished tending to him, she goes in to bring out her children and prepares them for the day.

Her work never ends, it’s like a cycle of slavery, rotating between her husband and his family and taking care of her children. All the while, not a single moan or complain escapes her lips because she has been adequately groomed all through her childhood.

She has been told that a woman’s work never ends and a woman lives to satisfy her husband even if the man cannot satisfy her. And if she is unsatisfied, she must not be allowed to speak out as it’s a taboo to speak against her husband.

She works tirelessly, just because she has been made to follow some sets of rules put together by certain people, she revers her husband and holds him in high esteem. 

Nonetheless, the husband could be one who regards no effort of the wife. A philanthropist in the society but a stern and superior individual in the home.

The woman is the back bone of her family, if she isn’t there, the man won’t eat, if she protests and refuses to work, though the world will rebuke her, the husband won’t awaken to the aroma of her cooking and won’t have water to take his bath. 

The place of the woman in the society is very crucial. The woman is truly the backbone of the society, an exemplary work of art, an admirable creation of God.

5 KINDS OF INTERVIEWERS YOU WOULD MOST LIKELY MEET IN AN INTERVIEW ROOM

The fun part of getting a job is the part where you get cool cash at the end of the month. The not-so-fun part is when you sit down for the interview. Interviewers can be intimidating, yes, they were rolled that way, they want to shake your feet till you fall, or make you bolt at the last minute, or worse, pee in your pants. Preparation brings about confidence, if you plan properly, you will prevent yourself from performing poorly and part of the plan is to know what to expect. Therefore, I have summed up 5 people you would most likely meet at the interview room.

  1. THE MULTITASK-ERS- They are interviewing you but at the same time they have tons of work to do, so they ask you questions, and as you answer they attend to the pile on their table, speak to 2 or 3 people, receive phone calls, reply e-mails and do all sorts. The trick is to remain focused and continue to answer questions politely, your interviewer might be distracted but they are attentive and they might just be testing you to see if you are easily distracted.
  2. THE FRIENDLY ONES- Trust me they are all not scary, you might be lucky enough to meet a nice person at the interview room, all they just want to do is to chat and have fun while conducting the interview. If you are lucky enough to meet someone like this, you could try mirroring their mood. Be polite and friendly, be personable and professional but don’t overdo it. Look for ways you can relate your conversations to your job qualifications.
  3. THE TRICKSTERS- These kinds of interviewers are the overly smart ones, looking for who to devour (just kidding). They will find ways to trap you with questions and make you give answers you might regret  because they have trick questions up their sleeves, so watch out and don’t be too forward or too reluctant to answer. Answer the questions honestly and just be yourself.
  4. THE UNUSUAL ONES- The unusual ones ask you unusual questions. Sometimes, the questions might be grossly irrelevant to the job you are applying for, sometimes, they might be personal questions, also grossly irrelevant, just to make you feel uneasy. You can politely ask if the questions are relevant to your job, or you try as much as possible to avoid the questions by giving indirect responses.
  5. THE EXPRESSIONLESS ONES- They keep a straight face throughout the interview. These people are so good, you can hardly tell if you are doing well or not. Humour won’t get you far, as I said before, mirror your interviewer’s mood. Keep a straight face but not an uninterested look, answer questions correctly and give good examples, remain dauntless because you see, they are only doing so to see if you will break.

Understand that you will only be called for an interview if you qualify, and what better way to be qualified than to have an extraordinary resume. So as you prepare for your job hunt, prepare a remarkable resume to wow your potential interviewers.

5 ways you can be great at conversations


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The idea of having a conversation with an individual spreads beyond just speaking without stopping to listen to what they have to say. Whether they are speaking on a general topic or they have an issue, always listen.

Dialogue involves 2 or more people, therefore every of the party involved must be given the time to speak and to listen to other people speak.

Here are ways you can be involved in great dialogue;

1. Listen to the person – Understand that it’s not just about you, it also involves the other party. So listen as much as you speak, give the person enough time to speak too.

2. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say- Listening attentively alone doesn’t cut it, you must also be genuinely interested in the person. Strive to know more about them, ask personal questions or ask about their jobs or businesses. Do not fake it, show genuine interest. Ask purposeful questions. Meaningful questions ellicit meaningful responses.

3. Don’t be radical or aggressive- Following my earlier example, I mentioned that it’s good practice to ask questions. Such questions must be positive questions, don’t say hateful words, don’t ask questions with the intent to mock your conversational partner. Converse, don’t argue. Arguing is not necessary because you might end up regretting what you’ve said after winning the argument.

4. Respect; don’t judge or criticize- Respect other people’s space and the right to their views, don’t act like you know it all. If they open up to you, don’t judge them but put the person in his/her best light. Proffer solutions, don’t add insult to the injury, don’t blame or judge them. Don’t be too critical over what they say or do and always give people the benefit of doubt.

5. Be ready to share your own thoughts- Share your own thoughts but as mentioned previously, don’t dominate the discussion. This does not mean that you should hold back from sharing your own opinions. Be true to yourself, put them in your shoes, make the person look good without being authentic.

Follow these steps and you’ve scored yourself a 100 in dialogue.

10 Warning signals that tells you your partner is not the right person

Marriage is a very important issue, the rate at which people are joined together in holy matrimony, boys and girls file up to best their besties or stand as men/ladies in honour for the couples-to-be is on the high side. 

No one cares if the couples have sat down together to discuss what their future holds and how to sort out their differences. Choosing a life partner is a very delicate issue and must be done with careful consideration, that’s why courtship is essential.

The following are vital signs to note about your husband/wife-to-be before tying the knot, it’s better to give it careful thought and not rush into anything. The warning signs will scream at you but if you don’t neglect them trust me there’s something called a conflict-free marriage. 

1. If your partner is not inspired by what inspires you– they don’t have to be captivated by everything that captivates you, they are free to have their own opinions and be inspired by other things but they must believe in you enough to be driven by the right things, just as you are and you both should be able to guide yourselves along the right part.

2. If your success and personal achievements doesn’t excite them- usually, if a friend is not moved by your success you tend to draw yourself away from them avoiding them in every way you can, so also if a partner, a supposed husband or wife to be- isn’t moved by your success you exit the relationship. Such people tend to compete with your success and will in any way they can bring you down.

3. If improvement is not experienced in the relationship- improvement equals less conflict and more increase. How often do you quarrel? Has it reduced much compared to when you just started the relationship? Focus is on improving each other. what has improved in both your lives ever since the relationship started? Is the relationship adding to both your personal developments or not?

4. If they show little respect for others- if your partner constantly trashes the waiter or treats your gateman with contempt or disrespects your colleagues or friends, you better check the relationship otherwise the marriage will turn out to be a major disaster.

5. If minor issues stir up mountains of anger inside of them- I once dated a guy who was unapologetically short-tempered. Every little issue mattered to him, I vividly remember telling him that whenever its cold I didn’t like to take my bath before going to bed. We dragged the issue for 4 weeks. He said night bath should be strictly adhered to no matter the temperature, that is, even if its freezing at night, I must take a cold bath. The relationship didn’t last long.

6. If they show no remorse for past mistakes- one thing is certain, a mistake not regretted is a mistake bound to re-occur, when regret is not expressed, an offense is not far from re-occurrence. If your partner lost money in gambling the previous year and when you met he specifically told you he regretted playing a game of chance, he shouldn’t be planning to throw his money into gambling a second time, if he does then that’s not regret and it’s bound to occur multiple times.

7. If they disregard the council of the wise- When you ignore the counsel of the wise, God corrects you through painful experiences. Unwillingness to listen to wise counsel leads to failure and regret. Does your partner acknowledge the words of their parents or mentors? If they don’t you should exit the relationship.

8. If they dishonour their parents- the issue of honouring our parents can never be overemphasized. Honouring our parents is the first commandment with a promise according to God’s word, therefore continuous strife and dishonour should not exist between a child and the parents, this is also another warning signal.

9. If they ask you to “Leave God out of it” – no matter your religion, God is your first choice, you should constantly seek His face in every situation. Do they only attend church because of your persistent nagging and begging? Then such person simply is not the right person for you because without God’s authority in their life, any hope of a happy marriage is far fetched.

10. If they refuse to set goals, chase their dreams or get a job- Never agree to marry a man that refuses to get a job, if they are depending on their parents finances or too lazy to go after what they want then they are not the ideal person.

Understand that it’s good to look for these signs in a partner but you also must possess the right qualities if you want to be a good partner. It’s good to be the with the right person but even better to be the right person. Therefore, if you find yourself in any of these categories, you should start working on yourself tirelessly.