Who can deny the fact that we have all had relationships that didn’t go well and so it had to end abruptly and unplanned? Running into our ex after a bad break up is inevitable, we have all had run-ins with our exes before especially if distance keeps us together. Some of us are unable to get over a relationship due to one reason or the other, others find time to plan revenge especially if they feel that their ex is the cause of their breakup. Whichever category we fall in, the truth is that we still hold onto feelings for our exes and in general, delay our ability to move on. Below are 6 things to do and not to do after breakup so that you won’t go crying back to your ex and get the door instead.
1. FOLLOW THE RULE OF THUMB : the basic rule of thumb of a breakup is to avoid contact with your ex for a period not less than 6 months. This is the period for you to reflect back on your live, your past decisions, your achievements, whether the relationship has favoured you in one way or the other, and to heal and move on, to make new friends, get a new job and even find your happy ending. This stretch of time will give you a chance to get over your ex, especially if you have been together for a long time. Some will say fight for what is yours and I don’t disagree with that. But if it’s really yours there wouldn’t have been a breakup in the first place. So stick to this rule and concentrate on finding your happiness.
2.DONT STALK YOUR EX : there are different kinds of stalking. Social media stalking is the worst kind. If you spend the better part of your time stalking your ex on facebook or instagram, you run the risk of being miserable for a very long time. Instead of moving on, you are busy checking out their lives. The truth is, people only post what they want you to see on their social media, so if you’re the type that social media stalk, stop and have a re- think because your ex knows what he/she is doing.
3.CREATE PROPER BOUNDARIES : creating boundaries with your ex doesn’t necessarily mean moving to another country, shutting yourself out of the world and changing your occupation to farming. It simply means no phone calls, texts or e-mails, no stopping by their houses or “hanging out” together. Cut ties with them completely if possible. What if you work together? Create special boundaries with them like talking and dealing with them only when it’s necessary. If your ex is trying to pry into your life, make them understand that it’s none of their business, this rule is applicable to you also, don’t pry into their lives or the lives of their lovers, doing this will make it easy for you to move on and find your happy ever after.
BE STRONG FOR YOURSELF : you are down and going through challenges, you have no other person to turn to buy your ex that dumped you few years ago, I wouldn’t advice you to do that. Your ex let it you down before and they can do that again so the best thing is to find a way out yourself or turn to your loyal friends, friends who have your best interests at heart. Also when your ex comes running back to you, help them in the best way you can, be a friend but let it stay that way. Don’t be tricked into another courtship that will only fall apart later. You are not being heartless but you are smarter.
5.DONT FLAUNT YOUR NEW PARTNER : this is absolutely a major preacaurity measure to take after a breakup. Flaunting your new partner is trashy to you and to your lover, it destroys their self confidence and whatever trust they might have in you. Your lover will basically feel used and even angry. Keep them out of your past relationship, believe me, they don’t need to know. These kind of triangles will only bring more pain and distrust into your relationship, it will bring you down emotionally. Remember, nobody wants to be used.
6.DONT THREATEN OR BELITTLE YOUR EX : threatening your ex will only show how miserable you are, how you have failed to move on and what a terrible mistake you have being, the same thing goes for name calling, thrashing or belittling your exes, it won’t make them come back to you and it won’t make them apologize either. Instead it shows your weakness and makes them question their decisions about getting involved with you in the first place. Speaking low or In a derogatory manner about someone you were once in love with will only make your new lover lose confidence in you.
Everybody knows that breaking up isn’t easy and post breakup relationships are way harder. Its up to you to heal and decide on your next step. Don’t forget that your ex was once your lover and you two were once crazy about each other, so holding onto anger and resentment for them is not necessary.