In a world where values and beliefs change and the definition of an ideal woman constantly evolves, the standards of who an ideal woman should be is solely based upon what the society dictates. This definition changes so easily due to the fickle nature of the society. 

Years ago, specifically in Africa, the definition of an ideal woman was one who lived to please her husband. Fast forward to this new age, an ideal woman is now defined by her strong career, a great job, independence and a particular body shape, a skin colour or a large social media following.

But the truth is that, just as it changed from what it used to be to what it is now, it will keep changing and won’t stop changing. The best advice for a woman is to not depend on the definition the society has about who she should be, instead she should strive to be who she wants to be.

Some say, a woman must not be too successful so that she doesn’t become richer than her husband, that’s the society dictating for her again. They have forgotten that once the man and his wife have been joined together in holy matrimony, they have become one flesh, what is for the husband becomes hers and what is hers is for him.

Others say that the woman must work to support her man because no man wants a liability. What infuriates me more is that some men begin to search for well-off ladies so that they can be financially secured, to the point that they refuse to pursue their career because after all, the woman is there to support.

Dear woman, don’t depend on the society’s definition. Define yourself. Be there for your husband, be a mother to your kids, chase your career, you were not created to be under anyone’s feet, you are an help meet.



Over the years, the society has set standards of a ‘real woman’ as they call it, in the past, the woman is defined by her ability to take care of her family and her worth is measured by how pleased her husband is towards her.

This ‘real’ or ‘ideal’ woman is a woman who, irrespective of her background, must aspire to marriage. She is a woman who must submit to a ‘god’ her husband, and enslaves herself to his family. She is not allowed to work, think or have a mind of her own, all through her life, she must live to please the man who takes little or no cognisance of her efforts. 

She rises up before dawn to prepare for his wakening, she slaves away in the thick heat of the kitchen fanning the flames that will cook his food while he lies there sleeping and dreaming on until he’s awakened by the aroma of her meal. 

He gets up from the bed and drags himself to the kitchen to ask for his bath, she immediately stops her cooking and hurries to prepare his bath. When she has finished tending to him, she goes in to bring out her children and prepares them for the day.

Her work never ends, it’s like a cycle of slavery, rotating between her husband and his family and taking care of her children. All the while, not a single moan or complain escapes her lips because she has been adequately groomed all through her childhood.

She has been told that a woman’s work never ends and a woman lives to satisfy her husband even if the man cannot satisfy her. And if she is unsatisfied, she must not be allowed to speak out as it’s a taboo to speak against her husband.

She works tirelessly, just because she has been made to follow some sets of rules put together by certain people, she revers her husband and holds him in high esteem. 

Nonetheless, the husband could be one who regards no effort of the wife. A philanthropist in the society but a stern and superior individual in the home.

The woman is the back bone of her family, if she isn’t there, the man won’t eat, if she protests and refuses to work, though the world will rebuke her, the husband won’t awaken to the aroma of her cooking and won’t have water to take his bath. 

The place of the woman in the society is very crucial. The woman is truly the backbone of the society, an exemplary work of art, an admirable creation of God.